September 3, 2013 | by Mark McDonald
Gospel According to Mac: #1
By Mark McDonald
- Write a thank you note to someone – anyone – once a week. The written thank you is a throwback to yesteryear, thus appreciated now more than ever.
- No two ranch gates are alike, and only the foreman knows how to work them in the dark.
- With lightning, you either win or you lose. There are no ties.
- Take your child fishing (or hunting) when he/she is young. He will take you when you are old.
- His knife is sharper than yours. Always.
- If a guy says he can do something, anything … like maybe jump over the hood of a moving sedan … never bet that he can’t do it. He can. And he will, while you pay to watch.
- Nothing breeds more optimism than the first day of a diet. Or the first tee box.
- Sucker bet: 3-2 count on the batter, with a runner on base. Bet your buddy a beer the next pitch will be a foul ball. You’ll drink on his money.
- Among children whose parents read to them, how many wound up as adults on death row?
- Nothing is so fast as an IRS field agent, nor as slow as the foursome ahead.
- If a guy wants to arm-wrestle you, challenge him to leg-rassle instead.
- How many kids who earn a marksmanship merit badge in Boy Scouts wind up committing a firearm felony?
- Steer clear of bar bouncers. When action gets slow, they know how to ensure job security.
- His pickup gets better gas mileage than yours. Now and forever.
- If you ever see me dancing in public, or shooting pool, do me a favor: Close my tab.
The author escaped starvation while haunting the newsrooms of five Texas dailies. He is working on his sixth book.